I have this sunny saturday Boston tradition: After my 90′ endurance workout, while walking towards the Boston market along the waterfront I am usually on the phone with my Dad or Mom or sister, catching up on life. It is a scenic walk with a brisk ocean breeze in your face, almost always sunny. At the market, you can get veggies and fresh caught fish and by now the people at the market know me. As much as I love the anomity of a city, the fact that the farmlady calls me “honey” and knows what I am buying makes me feel very much at home!
Yet as of lately, since I learned that I would have to cancel my trip back home, every time I get off the phone with family in Germany, I have this lump in my throat. And although I love freshly shucked oysters, all I want right now is fresh German bread with German (or Irish) butter, a Hefeweizen and all of that while I am sitting outside :-).
When I first felt that way, I thought I was homesick. But the longer I think about it, I subconsciously feel trapped. Although it was my dream to find a company to sponsor my H1-B application, the very fact that I am not allowed to leave this country without giving up that chance feels like a deep cut into my freedom of movement.
And that makes me realize that I do not function as well as I am used to functioning when I feel this way. At the same time, it makes me appreciate the small things: That I will be able to go back soon, that I receive packages from Germany with my top ten list of things that I have a very hard time living without, that I can live stream German radio all day long to get a sense of what is going on in Europe (something that is not captured well in the international news) and that despite the distance I have a wonderful family supporting me.