The everything will be fine-people

Twin-Update: We have made it to full 31weeks of pregnancy. Both girls are tiny for their gestational age, their dopplers are within range (not great, yet not concerning). They are very active in my tummy which, in general, a good sign. Within the next three weeks the doctors will get them. Since they are still so small there is no chance for a natural birth. It looks like we will have to have a planned c-section.

In the meantime, we moved to a bigger apartment in the South of Munich with a lot of support from family and friends. Watching other people agonize over IKEA instructions is even worse than when you are doing it yourself :-). Aside from reading a lot I signed up for in an investing class and on good days I have been more active again doing things I usually do not do when I am busy with work and working out. We have been to the Ballet, to the Munich antique flea market and to the “Alte Pinakothek” where I saw my first DaVinci (they rent out wheelchairs at the Museum).

I have noticed something in the course of this pregnancy that has been rubbing me the wrong way consistently and I wanted to share it with you. At one of my classes at Harvard Business School we had a couple of lectures on the idea that well developed brains are capable of holding antagonizing ideas without needing to choose one over the other, neither rationally nor emotionally. Achieving this capability would take years of experience.

I am not yet sure if this pregnancy can be applied to this idea. However, as a matter of fact we are expecting twin girls which is a reason for excitement and joy. As another matter of fact these babies have been hit with two bad conditions, a growth restriction and a twin-twin-transfusion-syndrom, and what that has done to their development only time can tell – which is a reason for caution, being prepared for the worst cases and at the very least it is for us to know that we are looking at long weeks of NICU visits and unforeseen challenges.

After a couple of weeks without emergency clinic visits and only standard bad news here and there (which you learn to cope with very fast and we also do not share) we have been receiving a lot of messages like: “I knew all along everything would be good.” Or: “So then now all is well with you and the babies.”

These statements are hard to take, yet I understand where they are coming from. Uncertainty is not something that is easy to deal with. Yet, it is a reality that many people have to face. I usually respond that I do not know whether everything will be ok. And then something happens that makes me very angry at times: People tell me I should not be so negative, or sad.

My personal learning from this is that I have often fallen into the trap of telling people how to feel instead of listening, and telling them that is is ok. From now on I will be much more sensitive towards this. I also understand that black and white thinking is much easier than anything in the middle, but I am trying to eliminate absolute vocabulary.

No, not everything is fine and yes, that is totally ok.








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